The One Who Was Slightly Creepy 

Ok, for starters, you’re not ‘slightly older’, now are you? You’re a good few years older than the upper age limit I said I was looking for. Hence you are significantly older than me.


I just wanted to clear that up.


And no, I’m not going to overlook it. Sorry. 


I don’t doubt that you saw me on here and read my profile, but I do refute the fact that you ‘just had to message me’. You didn’t have to message me, it was not even one little bit necessary. Believe me when I say I would be feeling a lot more comfortable right about now had you chosen not to…


I also, perhaps, wouldn’t be glaring suspiciously at every ageing man I pass on Reading’s pavements.


You’ve seen me before? You hope that doesn’t sound creepy? Okay, let’s break this down… Either this is your standard (rubbish) chat-up message and you tell all the ladies that you’ve seen them around in whichever town they happen to live (under the deluded belief that this approach could actually work), or you actually have seen me in Reading. More than once, as apparently you have always appreciated my beauty. Wonderful.


Loving the fact you’ve oh-so-causally stuck your ‘I hope this doesn’t sound creepy’ in brackets. If you have to even raise the idea that something may possibly sound creepy then I think it’s a fair assumption that yes, it definitely does sound creepy and that you should have kept that creepy, weird information inside your old, creepy head and not let it seep out into a super creepy message to me. #toptip


You allegedly see many things in my profile that could be in yours. Things that could be in there, but interestingly, aren’t. Hmm. I’m not really sure how similar our profiles are, to be honest… I took the liberty of screen-shotting the bit where you’ve filled in your interests… No mention of shared hobbies there, that I can see…


You have a dry sense of humour, you say? Maybe this slightly stalkerish angle is an example of that… But you are respectful (I wasn’t aware that having a dry sense of humour and being respectful were mutually exclusive…) and generally a nice guy.


There you have it. A generally nice, much older guy, who happens to be just a little bit fucking creepy.







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